Sacrificial Bunny

Come on, guys! I've never even met this Jesus guy!

Come on, guys! I’ve never even met this Jesus guy!

I’d really like to know how the Easter bunny fits into it all. Hey guys, you’re lord and saviour is being scourged and nailed to a plank of wood, thus absorbing the pain, suffering and sin of all mankind today at three. Also: there will be an anthropomorphised rabbit handing out chocolate eggs. Bring your kids!! Fun for the whole family! Don’t worry, we’ll run the sucker through with a spear if it’s taking too long. Prolonged crucifixions are the worst, I know.

Supposedly the Easter bunny is a remnant of an old fertility cult or something like that. Again, the idea of everyone going out into the fields and fucking like there’s no tomorrow is not really fitting in with the whole Christian ideal. If it was I bet there’d be a whole heap more Christians. “Are you coming to church Steve?” “No.” “You’ve got to attend mass if you want in on the orgy afterwards man. Its the rules.” “Praise the lord!”